5 Theme Park Rides that Will Ruin Your Image

Most of us enjoy a trip to a theme park but for the image conscious a visit can soon turn into a nightmare as there is limitless potential for the rides and attractions to completely roger your look. No thrill ride is going to leave you unscathed but there are some rides that are best avoided if you don’t want to look like a swamp creature or an escapee from the local asylum. Here are 10 rides to pass up if you don’t want to look in the mirror and get the fright of your life.

Drenched – Oakwood

Well the name is a bit of a clue here isn’t it? There are plenty of rides that get you wet but none that do it with quite the ferocity of Drenched at Oakwood in South Wales. This boat ride drops you into a pond at 88kph and appears to be designed to achieve a tidal wave that hits you at maximum velocity. The water is absolutely freezing and no part of you will escape the onslaught if you are sitting in one of the seats at the end of a row.  If you really must take this one on then dress in layers, most of which should be removed before boarding and sport underwear which is comfortable when soaked through! For the record I recommend Sloggi or should that be soggy!

Stealth – Thorpe Park

This machine launches you at 0 to 80mph in just 2 seconds which is enough to derange your internal organs let alone your hair but a bad hair day isn’t your chief concern. Things really get nasty when it rains. The ride only lasts 14 seconds so it isn’t the exposure that is the problem it is that incredible acceleration. Firing into precipitation at 80mph hurts like hell and you might find you are a little red faced after the experienced. If you don’t want to look like an acid attack victim then avoid this one when it is wet.

Top Thrill Dragster – Cedar Point

You expect extremes at the roller coaster capital of the world and this ride really delivers but if you take on Dragster at the wrong time of day it is not the thrills that you will be worried about. As the light begins to fade in the evening the crowds thin out about and it is tempting to grab a ride on Dragster without the long wait. Don’t! As this coaster sends you down the track at 100mph you slam straight into a massive swarm of insects that embed themselves into your face and every available orifice. You disembark looking like a plague victim and will spend the rest of the night picking black splats off your entire body. Dress in layers again but this time wear them all and remove some after the ride!

Tatsu – Six Flags Magic Mountain

For some poor souls this one is just plain embarrassing. Firstly you suffer the indignity of hanging from the restraint in the station like a corpse caught in a tree but that is nothing next to the experience of taking on the infamous pretzel loop. This section of the track plunges the ride car into a dive of such severity that the unprepared have a knack of passing out and the episode is even worse if you suffer from any level of motion sickness.  As you approach the station after the ride you can see the aftermath of this vomit inducing experience all over the infrastructure! Take a sick bag with you!

Blue Tornado – Gardaland

Here the problem is pain and lots of it. Hobbling around like a cripple does nothing for your image and a ruptured spleen or cracked vertebrae is almost inevitable if you ride Blue Tornado at this Italian park. From the very first bend this coaster knocks you around like a prize fighter and you will disembark feeling like you have gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. Wear extra padding and a neck brace if you want to survive the experience!

We all like to look our best when we are out and about but theme parks have the machinery that is guaranteed to destroy your efforts in seconds. If image is all then avoid these rides but if you do then you will be really missing something!

Article By Sally Stacey