Thorpe Park is situated between Staines and Chertsey just south of Heathrow Airport. It is park that has gone all out for adult thrills of late with most of the newest attractions being unsuitable for children. In addition some of the older rides which were child friendly have been removed making this park attractive to the thrill seeker but a bit of a disaster for families and youngsters under 1.4m tall. Thorpe Park is constructed on an island in the middle of a man-made lake and so has a picturesque setting which is sadly not matched by the general upkeep and appearance of the attractions which is largely poor and shabby.

The Rides

There is a reasonable selection of roller coasters with the line-up headed by Stealth, an Intamin launch coaster which propels riders out of the station at 0 – 80mph in 2 seconds and fires them up and over a 205ft tower. This is the fastest accelerating coaster in Europe and is a full throttle ride with race track theming that works well. Sadly the whole experience lasts just 20 seconds but it is a great 20 seconds! Just across from the Stealth Plaza you will find Nemesis Inferno a Bolliger and Mabillard inverted coaster with a volcano at its centre. The ride is similar to Nemesis at Alton Towers but fails to deliver the same level of thrills despite an excellent start to the experience as riders are dropped into a dark tunnel with red lights and water jets creating a steamy and eerie subterranean flight.

Saw The Ride was opened in 2009 and is themed for the Saw franchise of films. The station building contains props from the movies, sound effects and a general gloom which nicely build up the tension for the queuing customers. The ride itself offers a short drop in the dark towards a spike bed, air guns, several inversions and a 105ft drop of over 90 degrees into a sharp turn. It is an attraction that promises much but does not quite deliver and is quite uncomfortable in places. Talking of uncomfortable, Colossus is an Intamin steel coaster with a world record 10 inversions but is extremely uncomfortable in all but the very front seats. The ride is rough for the entire circuit and the seats are a really tight fit for many adults with very little leg room in the cars.

The latest coaster to be added to the park is the Swarm which was the second of Bolliger and Mabillard’s wing rider coasters to be built. The ride has its own island which is themed for the aftermath of an alien invasion and looks great but the coaster is a little tame despite the inclusion of several near miss elements and the opportunity to take the ride backwards from the rear seats. I would not recommend the backwards option as it is rather nausea inducing and adds little to the overall experience.

X No Way Out is purportedly a roller coaster in the dark with sound and lighting effects. The ride used to run backwards but due to the amount of sickness this induced has been turned around and is now little more than a kiddie coaster with flashing lights in a building that looks like an industrial unit. If you are short on time this is a good one to miss!

In addition to the coasters Thorpe Park has several water rides. The appropriately named tidal wave drops riders into a large area of water most of which is capitulated over them in a freezing cascade as they hit the bottom of the not insignificant drop. Storm Surge takes riders on a spinning journey down a large slide in inflatable rafts. This ride has a small through put and thus attracts lengthy queues but is a short and underwhelming ride which will only really appeal to younger guests. The height restriction is only 1.1 metres which does at least mean that some of the kids can ride this one. There is also a log flume which is a pleasant ride near the lake with a good final drop and Rumba Rapids, a river rapids ride which has very few rapids and an extremely short river!

There are several flat rides on offer which variously spin and tumble riders in mid-air but nothing you won’t find anywhere else except Slammer a one of kind experience which rotates riders on two large seating platforms at high altitude and Rush a giant powered swing which is great fun but of very short duration.

Children

The park offers very little for small children which can make life very difficult for families. Zodiac has a height restriction of just 0.9 metres but is rather intense for small tots and there is Mr Monkey’s banana boat and a small carousel. Beyond that you are left with the Flying Fish a junior coaster next to the Swarm island and Depth Charge a water slide traversed in small inflatable boats. The other junior attractions have been removed which is rather a shame.

Halloween

The autumn period sees the inclusion of several scare mazes at the park and longer opening hours with opportunity to take on the coasters in the dark. The mazes are generally done quite well but are largely all the same and some people find them rather unpleasant as actors can and will jump out on you. The highlight is the Asylum which concludes with the unfortunate guests being chased from the maze by a chain saw wielding maniac!

Shopping and Food

The offerings in the shops are largely poor with only a few decent ride souvenirs to be found amongst an assortment of plastic rubbish and overpriced clothing. You will stumble across the odd decent piece that is worth having but don’t waste too much of your valuable time in the shops. The food on offer is sadly generally terrible especially if you are not keen on junk food. The construction of the Swarm presented an opportunity for a decent new eatery which was not taken as the latest food outlet is merely another take away in a conservatory type extension of the lakeside marquee. There is only one place to buy a decent coffee and that is in the Dome at the entrance to the park.

Conclusions

Thorpe Park is a decent day out for the ride enthusiast but beyond Stealth there is nothing really incredible here and the rides are prone to constant break downs and very lengthy queues at peak times. Beyond the rides there are few filler attractions or pleasant places to sit and relax and so it is not the best park for anyone who is scared of coasters. Overall Thorpe lacks the landscaping and attention to detail that affords a pleasant stay. It is all about the rides which are good fun but not the best on the planet.

Byline

Article by Sally Stacey