Theme park rides are supposed to be fun but some have a tendency to inflict pain and discomfort whilst they are delivering the thrills! Rides can inflict injury in all manner of ways and there are some attractions that I now avoid at all costs in order to prevent a hospital trip during my visit. Here are some of the more unfortunate machines I have experienced which you should take on advisedly.

Shockwave – Drayton Manor

This thing is truly an instrument of torture from the moment you first climb aboard. Shockwave is a stand up coaster with a ride restraint resembling concrete and a circuit that delivers several sharp turns driving said restraint into your skull. The ride is rough from beginning to end and to make matters worse it is not very interesting or thrilling either. You will inevitably disembark with a bad case of cauliflower ear, several cracked ribs and a severe headache. If you decide to ride this one take your body armour with you because you are going to need the protection.

Blue Tornado – Gardaland

This is the sister ride of Infusion at Blackpool Pleasure Beach and both attractions are extremely unpleasant! Every twist and turn delivers a smash to the head and a severe case of whiplash and the track feels like it is punctuated by a series of dents and faults which make the entire circuit jarring and distinctly uncomfortable. There is not seat on the ride which seems free of the constant thrashing and all you can hear on the way round is the persistent cries of agony from the other unfortunate victims. Don’t take this one on without a crash helmet.

Corkscrew – Cedar Point

I was warned about this one before I decided to take it on and I should have listened to the advice! I was already familiar with the failings of such Arrow Dynamics creations but climbed aboard anyway. The bulk of the ride is actually surprisingly smooth but just when you start to relax the thing delivers a truly appalling snap to the neck which is frankly scary and hideously painful. I expected to be paralysed for life after that one and was surprised when I was able to climb out of the train at the end. Don’t ride this thing unless you happen to have a neck brace with you.

Blue Streak – Cedar Point

This historic woody looks fairly innocuous from the queue line and curiously did little harm to my friends but left me with some unwanted souvenirs! Whilst my fellow riders disembarked unscathed I left the coaster with several enormous and rather black bruises to my arms and looked like I had gone 6 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lesson learnt! Keep your arms well inside the train on this one.

The Swarm – Thorpe Park

This ride is a perfectly comfortable if less than amazing coaster unless you decide to take up the option of riding it backwards. The back two rows have had their seats reversed as Thorpe clearly realised that the Swarm was not delivering a high octane adventure. Sadly the backwards experience is no more thrilling and induces severe nausea before the bottom of the first hill. Everyone I have spoken to who has tried the reversed seats has exited the ride with indecent haste to run to the nearest toilet. To make matters worse the train inverts over the waiting guests in the station and I don’t even want to think about that! Strategically position buckets in the station would be a bonus here!

Top Thrill Dragster – Cedar Point

This is a magnificent ride unless you suffer from vertigo and is perfectly comfortable until the light begins to fade. Ride this machine at dusk and you are propelled at high velocity into an enormous cloud of insects which swarm over the launch track. In an instant you are covered with a myriad of little corpses and you will be picking bugs out of your eyes for the rest of the evening. You do get a protein boost from the ones you eat though!

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Article by Sally Stacey